The Things I'd Rather Do Than Wear BAMA Attire or Scream "Roll Tide"

 

 

I hate BAMA....I'm a die-hard purple and gold bleeding LSU fan. Considering I'm originally from Mississippi, those DAWGS are near and dear to my heart, but I am all things Cajun with just a splash of Mississippi Sass.

Our family and a few friends have had more fun with a friendly rivalry back and forth since half are BAMA fans and half are TIGER fans. It's been a bit boring around the playing field so I thought I would spice it up. No worries Brother Ben....you will NEVER see me wearing the colors, logo or screaming those vile words.


I'd Rather do ANYTHING on the list below than wear BAMA attire/colors or holler "Roll Tide"

Root for the Falcons

Watch tennis or golf

Clip a stranger's toe nails

Run for fun

Give a random person a massage

Take a bite of cabbage, spinach, eggplant, snails, mushrooms, or hominy

Get on my hands and knees and nudge a golf ball with my nose from one end of Mike Snow's chicken house to the other

Flip tractor tires in the Cul de Sac

Sit through a Kanye West Concert

Be Obama's Caddy

Clean my driveway with a toothbrush

Brush my teeth with the cleaning toothbrush

Go to the boot sale at Belk on Black Friday

Get booty implants

Attend the Democratic National Convention

Drink white milk

Walk through Oak Ridge and Redwood with an I love Obama sign strapped to my back

Wear a Vicksburg Steam Clean cap (anyone know where I can find one?)

Dress like Elsa and walk through Marcus Bottom singing "Do You Want to Build a Snow Man"

Display a herd of Pretty Pink Horses on my Mantle for a year

Get on a motorcycle with my brother one more time....my will and life insurance must be in order first

Go down Bourbon Street blind folded guided by Diane and Lisa

Let Chris pluck my eyebrows

Sit in an Elementary classroom on a party day.....or on any day...can only handle an hour without meds

Go through a Haunted House

Let Kayla Grace do my make up for Church

Sit through an Up-tight Opera with Brayden and Tanner

Walk around in public and pretend to be from another planet without breaking character

Watch a weekend of back to back episodes of Moonshiners and the stupid Ginseng show

Be on a episode of Wife Swap

Camp out in the bathroom at Walmart

Wear Doe Pee for perfume

Be on the other end of the line with my Sister-in-Law Pam, while working out a medical bill

Ride blind-folded in the front seat with my Mother-in-Law driving.....(LOL....don't ya'll tell her!)

We Interrupt this Chaotic World for a Laugh

Hilarious Laws

Things in our world seem so serious these days. I just needed some relief and could not pass up the opportunity to post some of these hilariously DUMB laws.

In Alabama it is illegal to wear a fake moustache in Church that causes laughter. You may also not flick boogers in the wind, not carry an ice cream cone in your back pocket. You CAN drive the wrong way on a one way street as long as you attach a lantern to the front of your automobile.

If you want to practice voodoo in Louisiana you must do it outside of city limits. While driving to the area outside city limits to cast your spells you can let your wife drive, but you must walk in front of her carrying a flag.

Please do not plan to hunt whales in Kansas as it is against the law.

It’s also illegal to hunt whales in Ohio, but only on Sundays. You also may not fish while intoxicated. Installation and use of slot machines in outhouses is also permitted….DARN!

It’s a No-No to push a moose from a moving airplane in Alaska.

Sleepy? Don’t get caught sleeping on a refrigerator in Pittsburgh, Pa. It is against the law. A special cleaning ordinance was also passed banning homemakers from sweeping any dirt under the rug in a dwelling. Wives must send a note with their husbands enabling them to purchase alcohol and beware…singing in a bathtub is illegal.

If you go to Texas and decide to have a beer make sure you are sitting. It is illegal to take more than 3 sips of beer while standing. It is also illegal to release any obnoxious odors in an elevator.

If you need a blue light bulb you will have to travel to another state other than Arkansas. You will also need to keep your alligator somewhere other than the bathtub since it is illegal to keep them there. Make sure your dogs are muzzled if you live in Little Rock because they are not allowed to bark after 6 p.m.

You may not be able to drink and fish in Ohio, but there is no law against it in Idaho….you just can’t fish from a camels back!!

In Massachusetts you may NOT give beer to hospital patients. You also may not allow a guerilla to ride in the back seat of any vehicle. Taxi drivers are not allowed to make love in the front seat of their taxis while during their shift….Aw…where’s the ACLU on that one??

For more outrageous funnies go to:
www.basicjokes.com
www.dumblaws.com

Things We Learned on Vacation

1) Traveling on a holiday weekend can double your travel time!! A trip that normally takes 4-5 hours could take you 9 1/2.

2) Make sure to carry an extra cup or container for an emergency. Being stuck in bumper to bumper traffic with a child who has to pee could be a dangerous thing.

3) When traveling with children make sure to pack an alcoholic beverage on ice to be consummed immediatley after arriving at destination. Especially if you have been stuck in the vehicle with the monsters for 9 1/2 hours. If you are not a "drinker"....you will be by the time you arrive.

4) The sand is hotter walking back from the beach than it is walking TO the designated spot.

5) It is easier walking to the designated spot than walking back.

6) If there are no men on your trip DO NOT carry a big ice chest. There are no gentleman to rescue a 38+ yr olds that are clearly not string bikini material while being trailed by or run over by 4 excited children. Make sure to carry a small container that can be easily carried by one person.

7) Children will find a way to get something to the beach even if it means tying it to the roof of a car.

8) Some six year olds will tell anyone within earshot where sand has gathered in their suit and will continue to tell you that they don't like sand and anything else they feel is not going their way every 5 minutes just in case you forget.

9) Hiking 2 miles to the beach is not advised while carrying enough equipment to stock a small souvenir shop.

10) Pomengranate Margaritas in the pouch are very good.....two are better and three or more are highly recommended when traveling with a talkative, dramatic six year old.

11) Anyone who goes to the store and comes back with a strong drink, and demands you drink immediatley is a TRUE girlfriend.

12) When a complete stranger of the same sex seems to enjoy talking with you and getting touchy feely....it's probably time to get out of the water.

14) If a child can not eat shrimp because he is allergic to it....probably not a good idea to allow him to fish using shrimp as bait.

15) Again....Pomengranate....being frozen is not neccesary....pour over ice.

16) A sticker from a cactus is hard to pull out of a child's toe.

17) Some fish nibble and bite

18) Michelob Ultra comes in many different can sizes

19) Never be suprised at what your 12 yr old son may pick out at a souvenir shop

20) Most importantly....I learned the person who invited us to go on the trip is an AWESOME friend with LOTS of patience.